Still Alive
May 15, 2006 Daily Blurbs
Yep, me not dead. Me, still alive! But me feels like this — :chain:
My dad is at his work, 4 hours away from our house, and he promised to bring the computer to a shop to get it fixed as soon as he gets home, which is 3 days from now. Another long wait! But I promise, I will be patient.
Anyway, so today, I am in an internet shop. I am a member of Netopia, so cool, lower internet rate. It’s P50/hr for non-members and P30/hr for members. I can’t complain though, I am in dire need of computer access!
In connection to still being alive, I found out that I won the Amazing Bebot award. Wow! Thanks Sara :thumbsup:
Next “anyway”, so I don’t think he will be coming here very soon. He said he was sick, I don’t know what epidemic he’s caught… LOL! He also said that his money was put on hold at the bank, so I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t think about it too much, or about him, too much coz I don’t want to become crazy. I am crazy as it is, so crazier won’t do me good.
For the past week, I feel somewhat ugly. After staring at myself for too long in the mirror, I realized that my face is now a shape of a watermelon (exaggerating!), my tummy looks like I’m 4 months pregnant, and my arms yells “Brooke Shields!” Yep, me is getting fatter. I’ve never had problems with my self image, but sometimes, it gets to me. No, I don’t want to be thinner because others will compliment me for it, but I want to be thin because I want to be healthy. Maybe I am eating more at this time because it will be that time of month for me. Hormones are acting up again. I need to start excercising again. My metabolism is super slow, you see, so it needs a boost from time to time, specially now.
In two consecutive days, I have been having dreams that are of the same theme. In my dreams, I always have someone with me. A man, who is supposed to be my someone, if you know what I mean. On the first dream, a guy committed a crime and we ran away together so that he won’t get caught. I don’t remember what he did, but he put a swiss knife and some coins on my left pocket. Then, we headed out to the sea, and we were both swimming until we reached an island then we climbed the rocky sides of the mountain. The second dream was a bit similar. This time, I was in the pool and the guy is sitting on one of the sunbathing chairs when someone grabbed him. It seemed to me that the man who grabbed him was asking him to leave me. When he didn’t allow that to happen, the guy tried to drown me three times in the pool. The weird thing was, every time that I was submerged under water, a palm was covering my nose and mouth, allowing me to breathe. After being drowned three times, I realized I have lost my memory. I found myself crying, but the guy was still there, he was comforting me. Then I told him, that every time I remember him, I write it on paper. Weird.
Basically, in both dreams, I am swimming, or in water. According to HyperDictionary.com, swimming means:
Dreaming that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy. Dreaming that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.
while sea means:
Seeing the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and your transition between your unconscious and conscious. It also often represents your emotions. The dream may also be a pun on your understanding and perception of a situation. “I see” or perhaps there is something you need to “see” more clearly. Alternatively, the dream may indicate a need to reassure yourself or offer reassurance to someone.
They both suggest that my dreams are related to my emotions. It’s ironic that I find it true. I feel like I am in the middle of an emotional turmoil. My thoughts of ever getting to school, or if he will find his way here, or if I will ever be successful in fulfilling my goals. I am emotionally stressed. Sigh…
I was supposed to install my new theme, but unfortunately, my computer is still not working, so just make do with my layout for now. You’re not here for the layout, right?
‘Til my next entry… I wonder when… 
:cry:
Toodles! :fairy:
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Dreams, Thoughts
Unending Questions
May 6, 2006 Uncategorized
What does it feel when a woman falls in love?
What is the sound of her voice when she calls out his name?
How does time stand still when both of them are in one place at the same time?
How do actions make up for the words left unsaid?
Why is a fault easily forgotten after a sweet gesture?
How can holding someone close make you feel safe and secure?
I do not know.
Have I forgotten the answers to these questions?
Or, have I forgotten how it feels to be in love?
Is it fair to say that somehow those mushy feelings are too shallow for me?
I guess, what I’m saying is, that I want to love again. I want to feel again. I want to be able to answer those questions. I want to know how it feels to hear my name from that person’s lips, the one I love and who loves me back.
Most of the time, I fear that I am always the one who loves more. But I don’t want that fear to be a hindrance to feel love again. I don’t want my questions to be “What if’s”. I hate “What if” questions. It brings me to unending thoughts that never really gets me anywhere.
I dreamed of someone last night. Someone I have no connection to. In short, unknown to me. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, then I woke up and realized it was just a bad dream…
P.S.
For those who’s asking who he is. Well, he’s this, this, this and THIS. Codename: Heinz
Dreamin’ Inside A Dream
Feb 9, 2004 Daily Blurbs
Have you ever dreamed inside a dream? Last night was one of those times that I have dreamed inside a dream. It was horrific. In my dream I was sleeping in another person’s bed with my two sisters. Then in my dream I woke up because I was having a nightmare. In that nightmare was a little girl who looks like something from an Asian horror movie. Her face looks dead, her eyes were big and were looking at me, piercing me with it sharp looks. In my dream I was trying to scream, but no sound would come out. In my dream, I was telling my cousin about the nightmare I had. Whenever I start telling her about it, the little girl would appear, looking at me. In my dream, my heart was racing fast. Subconciously, I want to wake up, but every time I think I did, I was still trapped inside my dream’s nightmare! I wanted so badly for something or someone to wake me up…but nothing and no one did. Then in my dream, I finally woke up, my nightmare about the girl was over, but I am taken to a semi-familiar place. This place was supposed to be where I live, but it is a bit different. The houses were different. The people are not my neighbors. I was riding in a car, and it dropped me off my supposedly “home”. When I got in, there was no one there, so I decided to go upstairs and check on my room. Everything inside that house was different, even my room. Our real house is made of concrete, and in that dream, it was wood, and there were lots of windows and doors that led to the outside. In my dream, I walked downstairs because I heard a noise. Then I saw a lot of people walking outside our house. I had the feeling that they were going to rob us, so I locked the doors and closed all the windows. I then ran upstairs. When I looked back, there was a man, a man who in my dream felt like he was going to rob us. I took a big pole that was conveniently inside my room, and I used it to fend him off. It was really weird, because suddenly there was this lady, and I talked to her as if she was really someone who lives in our house. Apparently, she was the one who was letting people in. I gave up in my dream. I yelled out loudto all those people to take whatever they want from our house, then I ran off in the streets as if someone was chasing me. At that point, I wanted so badly to wake up, and I can hear the phone ringing [our real phone], but my eyes and my conciousness won’t allow me to wake up. Then suddenly, a familiar voice spoke to me, it was my father. He told me to come with him, and I did. Then I woke up. For real. To an emplty house.
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Dreams, Thoughts
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