Fate.
Aug 29, 2007 Daily Blurbs
The past entries have been about love, and here is another one of them. Haha.
The other night, I was already in bed and pondering about the next day’s school activities, I decided to pray. I prayed about the things that I am most grateful for, and one of them is being with Ryan. After the prayer, I decided to set a reminder on my phone to bring the DVD I borrowed from Lexie. I decided to put it on my “to do list”. When I opened up the menu, I saw an unfamiliar list. Everything was positive. I remember when I typed in really harsh “to-do” stuff on it, like, “Kill myself” or something.
Everything was changed into positive things, like, “God is good, and he will keep you safe. Trust HIM.” “I will always be here, I love you. -Redeemer.” That’s when I knew it was Ryan who changed them. I felt the tears filling up my very sleepy eyes. I had to let him know that I just saw what he did.
I believe that God is truly amazing. After thanking HIM through my prayer, HE made me feel HIS power even more, by making me see how great HIS gift is. I have no doubt in my mind right now that Ryan is the one. I hope that nothing ever changes that. If it does change, then I will still believe that there is a higher purpose behind it.
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Thoughts
Of Course, I Love You!
Aug 26, 2007 Daily Blurbs
Current Mood:
Ryan and I were able to talk things over. I couldn’t live with myself thinking that I felt that way about him, so last Thursday morning (12.30am) , I called him up and told him everything. It was really hard to tell him things like that. He said, he got scared. He never expected that I would feel that way, that my feelings could change for him. He didn’t really say much on that phone conversation. He just took in all the things that I told him. Besides my feelings changing, he had to listen to everything else.
The next day, I felt a change in him. I can feel his effort to never make me feel that way again. We talked on the phone and I felt him enjoy our conversations more. We met on Friday and spent the afternoon at home. We rented Ground Hogs and watched it. It was a funny movie! Anyway, he opened up more on the topic. He said that he was surprised and scared at the same time when he heard me say, “I thought I don’t love you anymore.” I told him that I just want to be honest with him. I don’t like the feeling of hiding something big like this. I just hope that he would be honest with me, too.
I believe that this made us stronger. I can feel the changes, and I am confident that I really do love him. It was a major, “Whew!” for him, for me, too.
We watched Evan Almighty yesterday. It wasn’t a match to Jim Carrey’s Bruce Almighty, even if Steve Carell tried really hard. The movie is a mix of comedy and drama. There are emotional scenes that left me teary eyed. I love this quote from Morgan Freeman, as God:
Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
The movie is a must see for families, and those people, like me, who is straying a bit on the path. Go buy a drink and popcorn when you see this film!
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Movies, Thoughts
365 Days
Aug 22, 2007 Daily Blurbs, Stuff
Current Mood:
& 
We survived the first 365 days of our shared life.
August 20, 2007
We went out for lunch at Shakey’s, and watched Bourne Ultimatum1 at Robinson’s Galleria. I also had a haircut. Finally.
I am happy that we’re still together, but sometimes, I get scared. Sometimes, thoughts that I don’t love him anymore cross my mind. I don’t know if it’s me, just PMSing, or maybe it’s the reality of what this relationship is becoming.
The song, “Believer” by Susanna and the Magical Orchestra is the song that best fits what I feel right now.
Didn’t think I could ever love,
So I had to destroy it all.
But you will do find someone new,
When I am gone.
You know why.You are a believer,
I am not.
But even if I think that way, I still can’t bring myself to leave him. I guess this is normal. In every relationship, there is always a downtime, and this is my downtime. I applaud him for being extremely patient with me, because I know, sometimes I can be very hard to handle. I admit that I can be too overbearing and hot headed, but still, he’s there, waiting for me to calm down.
I can’t do this to him. I can’t do this to myself. I love him, and maybe I am just PMSing.
( after 24 hours of drafting this blog… )
I realize that I am just really really PMSing. He called me up last night, and we had a long chat about anything and everything that comes to mind. I know that we both have a long way to go in this relationship, and I am looking forward to another year.
- which I loved ↩
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Thoughts
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