Forcing A Religion
Apr 3, 2006 Daily Blurbs
Yesterday, I was awaken by a loud call for my name by my sister, telling me over and over that we are going to hear mass. I wasn’t even asleep ’til 5am yesterday! I haven’t had enough sleep and the sudden loud voice that I heard, gave me a headache. 
No offense meant to Catholics out there reading my entry, but I am not much of a believer anymore. I don’t know what really happened to me. I guess, too many questions are left unanswered. I used to pray a lot. Every night I would pray for my family, I would even utter the prayer my parents taught me. It goes,
Papa Diyos,
Please bless Papa, Mama, Ate, Juvy, Chicka and baby!
Amen.
It sounds a bit funny to me now, but it looks sincere. I remember, when I was younger, my family would pray at night together. Yesterday, my mom used the “family togetherness” guilt on me. She said, “Hearing mass today would be a family thing, that we’re together doing it.” I wanted to say, “We can watch a movie together.” But I kept my mouth shut 
. I didn’t want to start an argument with her.
I was part sulking on the ride to the church. I sat quietly and I was really feeling sucky, since I didn’t want to go and my head was aching.
When we got there, a lot of people were already seated but the mass has not started yet. We found available seating and settled. The mass started, and I was still sulking. I just sat there, half-asleep, mimicking what they do. If they sit, I sit, if they stand, I stand, if they kneel, I kneel. But I did hear this from the priest,
Jesus said that if you hate life you’d continue to live in it, but if you love life you die.
Well, not exactly that, but it’s how I understood it. He said it means that, when we hate our lives, we continue to experience that until we realize that we have to change the way we live, then we learn to love life, and if we accept God, we’d be in heaven.
Luckily, I survived that one hour.
I know that I’ve become cynical when it comes to religion. I can only blame myself for that. I have had episodes in my life that have brought me to this reality about faith. I am not saying that I believe in nothing, I do believe that there is someone greater out there, God, if we must call HIM.
Funny how sometimes I pray and say a lot of personal things, feelings that I only express when I talk to HIM. Talk about faith, huh? I have channeled my faith in God by how I live my life. I know I don’t have a perfect one, nor do I recommend for anyone to live in it, but I still think that I am luckier than most people. I have very loving parents and even if my sisters and I are not so close, I do know that they love me. 
Still, I need to find where my soul lies. Do I still go to heaven? Is there really one? If there really is heaven, do I recognize who my family are, or do I see them as my brothers and sisters? If I die, what happens? Does my soul float above my lifeless body? I know, some of them, I don’t really need the answers, but if I do get answered, I’d stop all my cynical musings about my(?) religion.
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Thoughts
GoDaddy.com
