So Numb
Aug 30, 2004 Daily Blurbs
I am getting tired of my layout, and I can’t think of any design, plus I don’t have any good stock photos. I made one graphic, but I couldn’t think of a way on how I’d lay it out.
Lately, I have been feeling a little stressed out. Everything is just so different. I am not very blissful right now. I have been getting headaches, and this afternoon I was hyper ventilating. I think that I am going to be sick.
Sweet thang and I haven’t been talking lately. I don’t know why. Well, we text once in a while, unlike before when we text the whole day. Maybe we’re both busy. He also mentioned that they accepted a big project for their furniture business, so I guess that’s why we don’t talk much. I don’t know if I miss him, though.
I have been thinking lately. I am quite confused with everything. It’s like, I don’t feel anything at all. Emotionally. This sounds pathetic, but I can’t find him in my heart. I can’t find anything or anyone in my heart. My best bud said that I probably became numb because I have been burnt a lot of times, that’s why it is hard for me to open up my heart for anyone. I admit that he’s partly right, but still, I want to love again. Feel something.
I do like his company and his personality, but that’s the end of it. No other feelings are felt. I am so weird! Well, it’s not like I know if sweet thang feels something for me. I just feel weird. I don’t want to end up alone. I mean, what if this guy is the one, and I don’t feel anything? Then everything will just pass without me knowing it, then I am doomed for life!
Lord, help me!
Tags: Argh, Daily Blurbs
Looking Chinese
Aug 25, 2004 Daily Blurbs
It seems like everyone was so “kilig” from my previous entry. I am still “kilig” too… I mean, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had butterflies on my tummy. The weird thing about what happened is that we haven’t talked about it. Maybe some things are better left unsaid. I feel just like the lines from the song “Falling by Keahiwai”
“From the first time you laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face will last ’til the end of time”
I went to the salon yesterday and had a haircut. My
dad’s reaction was, “You look Chinese!”. I sent an MMS to sweet thang and asked him what he thought about it, and I also told him about my dad’s reaction. He said I look cute and he likes my hair. He also said that I really look like I am Chinese! So here’s the picture that I sent him. I am 1/8 Chinese, but my skin color is definitely not Chinese. Maybe it’s the eyes, or maybe it’s the hairstyle. So what do you guys think? Do I look Chinese?
Q&A :
Q : Do u have the mp3 of Falling by Keahiwai? - glytch
A : Yes. Send me an email, and I’ll tell you where to get it.
Q : Do u have lyrics of Falling by Keahiwai? - alice
A : Yes. Just click here.
Tags: Daily Blurbs
A Hug and A Kiss
Aug 23, 2004 Daily Blurbs
Last Friday, sweet thang and I went out. We were circling around Quezon City to find a not-so-crowded Starbuck’s. We found one along West Ave., and then we had coffee and lots of conversations. The night was young, and we decided to get seats outside, then it started drizzling, but it was okay, because we were under the picnic umbrella stationed at every table. We talked about our friends, our family, our old schools, and pieces of everything in our lives. I am still kind of shy around him, and he noticed. It’s just that I haven’t been with anyone that I really like for a very long time. He admitted that he was shy too, that’s why he kept on poking me in the arm when he laughs. I think that was cute! Shy guys are appealing to me. I don’t like the ones that come on too strong. After a while, we headed to his friend’s place, which was just beside their house. He introduced me to his brother, his best friend and 3 others. They were very welcoming, and they would always include me in their conversations, which I truly appreciate.
There was a bottle of Black Label there, and they decided to drink. So most of his friends went out to buy some chips and ice. He and I were left there, together with his brother. We all continued talking, and laughing. His brother had to leave because he has to go to his girl’s place. So we were left alone.
Imagine the nervousness inside of me.
I had to go to the restroom to release stress. Haha! So when I got out, he was sitting on the sofa, singing along with the CD that I compiled for him. He also gave me one! I sat adjacent to his seat, and then he stood up, pulled me up, and asked, “May I get a hug?” Without my answer, he hugged me so tight. I thought I was going to be crushed! Then he gently touched my hair. I could feel my cheeks becoming warm. Aww… and then he cupped my face with both his hands, and kissed me! I think all the blood rushed to my brain, because after that kiss, I became nauseas. I looked so flushed after, and no words came out of my mouth. Whoa! That first kiss was so good.
Him and I, we don’t know what we are. We don’t talk about feelings at all. We just miss each other when we’re not together, or if we haven’t talked. The truth is, I don’t know what I feel about everything. Everything is so different. I can’t say that I am in love, but I am happy when we talk and when I am with him. I can’t feel my heart at all. I am so afraid that I just became numb from all the punches. This is the first time that I have kissed someone that is not my boyfriend.
I ask myself, “What if I fall for him?”
Right now, I just want to live for the moment. If what we have would not last, I will still be happy a chance like this came my way. A
Tags: Daily Blurbs, Thoughts
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